As the gas dispute rages on between Russia and Ukraine many lives are in danger from freezing temps. My worries are for the children in the orphanages in many countries affected by the dispute. Ukraine, Serbia, Bulgaria, Bosnia and several other countries are having to do without gas to heat homes, schools, orphanages and to run factories.

I worry and pray over the child we are hoping to adopt as well as the other children there. Sitting in a Serbian orphanage right this very minute. Are they warm? Do they have enough to eat? Are they getting sick in the freezing temperatures?

worry and pray  worry and pray

read this article for more details on how this is affecting Serbia

I can’t give too many details right now, but…

We have been presented with the opportunity to adopt a special needs child from Serbia. Adoptions from Serbia are very rare. Only special needs children are available for intercountry adoption. We are so thrilled to be allowed to do this. It was an opportunity we could not turn away from.

We are being considered for two different children. At this point we are not sure which child we will be adopting. One is a 2yo boy, the other is a 4yo girl.  Will it be Howie or Holly? We don’t know! Both children are significantly delayed and very likely have Fetal Alcohal Syndrome. There are other needs as well, but I can not say too much. We would be very happy to adopt either of these beautiful children.

The adoption process in Serbia moves very quickly which means we do not have a lot of time to raise money for the adoption. If you can help, we would grately appreciate it. I can not imagine having to turn away either of these children, but without some support we simply will not have the money in time. Please visit our fundraising page to see how you can help.

It’s been a long time since I posted here. That is simply because there has been no news to share in regards to adoption. Nothing other than how sad we feel over having to put a stop to the journey. It was a hard, but necessary, decision to make.

Things are turning around for us financially. We have managed to dig ourselves out of the hole that the layoff caused. Our savings aren’t up to where we would like them to be. Still we can’t help but start thinking again about adoption. It is just too deep in our hearts to ignore. Our hearts and minds are about to meet up and get on the same track. That means our plans will soon be on that track as well. The track to adoption.

After the first of the year we are going to start the classes for adoption through US foster care. We haven’t decided for sure that is the route we will take to find Howie. We figure no matter where we adopt from the classes will be helpful. They focus on attachment, special needs, transitioning a child into your family and that sort of thing. No matter where we find our son, that information will be helpful. Especially since we are looking to adopt an older or special needs child. Or an older special needs child.

Before deciding to stop the adoption plans for awhile we were seriously looking into adopting from India. I can’t help still thinking about it. I felt like I was really being drawn there. I thought it was just a particular boy that we found out about that drew us there. I was happy to find out that he will soon become a part of a family here in the US. I am happy to see any child find their forever family, but I am especially glad to know this little guy found his. As I was saying, I thought it was simply this boy we were drawn to, but even after learning he is already being adopted I feel the pull toward India. I even tried to convince myself after the tragic events in Mumbai that India was NOT where we should go. I didn’t manage to convince myself though. I am not at all sure why I feel so drawn to India, but I do.

We are also looking into the Philippines. I’ll admit that it was an incredibly adorable little boy with autism that I saw on a photolisting that sparked interest for me in the Philippines. I don’t feel a pull as much as I do with India, but the adoption program there does interest me. We certainly qualify for it which is a key factor, but there are other things I like as well. The kids are beautiful too. It certainly wouldn’t be as far to travel as other places we have considered.

Of course there is a strong chance we will indeed adopt from US foster care. Financially it makes the most sense. Although I think that since we are hoping to adopt an older/special needs child that we would stand a fairly decent chance of getting a grant. I can’t count on that though. Another good thing about adopting from US foster care is that I know there is a great need for families willing to adopt and love these children.

Right now I think the important thing is simply the fact that we are ready to start trying to move forward.

I have been thinking about writing this post for awhile now. I know I needed to write it. I needed to not so much as a way to inform others of why we ended our adoption journey (well duh, since nobody even reads this) but as a way to work through my own emotions. It was hard to make this decision. H A R D ! ! ! !

It wasn’t really a choice for us though. It was something we had to do. There was just no way we could go on right now. We had been wondering how we would come up with the money to finance and adoption, but we knew we could do it. We had done it once before. We had miraculously come up with $40,000 in one year. It truly was a miracle and I look back on it and still can’t believe we did it. I am even at a loss to recall exactly how we did it. Some was donated, some came from long hours of overtime we put into our jobs, some was cutting back on things we didn’t need (like cable), some came from selling things we didn’t really need, and in the end some of it came down to a large loan we will be paying off for years. We did it though, against all odds, we did it. I know that somehow we could have done it again.

It wasn’t a matter of deciding we couldn’t raise money to pay for an adoption that made us end this journey. It was a matter of deciding we couldn’t raise enough money to live. That sounds dramatic and probably is a bit over the top. But… we were hit hard financially and it really did come down to wondering if we could pay our bills or not. We were down to clipping coupons, buying generics and planning meals that could stretch out over a few days with leftovers.

You see, when we got our son home I continued to work for several months. It wasn’t working for any of us. I missed having time with my new son and he really needed to have his new mommy around full time. For the sake of bonding he needed me home. For the sake of catching him up developmentally he needed me there to work with him. For his sake we decided I would quit and be a stay at home mom. It worked for us as a family. We still had to live without some of the comforts of life, but we had gotten used to that anyway and it was a sacrifice we were all willing to make. We were fine. We were happy as a family and we lived a very comfortable life on my husband’s salary.

We even dared to dream of adopting again. We knew that we have enough love for another child. We knew that we would all benefit from another child/son/brother.  We knew that somewhere out there in the world there is a child that would benefit from having us in his life. We knew that there was a little boy dreaming of a family and we wanted to be that family.

Then, recently, we got the devastating news. My husband was laid off from work. His company was in financial trouble and their solution was to let go 150 employees. One of those 150 was my husband. Suddenly we were in the situation of having no income. Savings had already been drained by the costs of our first adoption. There just wasn’t enough for us to live on for long. We both needed to start searching for jobs.

My husband found a job within a few weeks but it does not pay what his last job paid. Also the time between jobs really hit our finances. Add to that the costs of getting the kids back into school. The costs of enrollment in public school where we live are a bit on the ridiculous side. They are high… and this is PUBLIC school. Add to that the costs of school supplies and the need for new clothes and shoes. Well, it was bad timing for sure to have to pay for all that right now. Their birthdays are both coming up (both of the older kids) and it breaks my heart to know that we can’t afford to give them much this year. They are great kids and they really won’t have a problem with it… but it’s hard for me.

Anyway, things around our house are not the same now. I have found a job now too. I start later this week. I hate to go back to work. I hate not being home with James Elijah. It was a good thing for both of us. I will miss my time with him. I know he will miss me. I hate the idea of not being there to play the developmental games and activities with him. I have a family member who will watch him for me while I work. She knows about his delays and about the issues he has. I have discussed with her the importance of his routine and the activities that benefit him. I know she will see to all this for me. Still, I wish it were me at home with him.

I have to work though. It’s the best thing for the family. Right now we need two incomes to catch up. Once we get caught up we still need both incomes. We learned something from this situation we suddenly found ourselves in. We have to have some money in savings. We have to have something to fall back on in the event that some unforeseen misfortune befalls us again.

We will not let our family end up in this situation again. I will not let that happen. I can’t let my family live life that way. I don’t want to have to decide which bills we will be able to pay and which ones we will have to put off a bit longer. I don’t want to have to look for clearance items to buy my kids for their school clothes. I don’t want to have to tell my kids “sorry but this is all we could afford to give you for your birthday this year”. There is a certain quality of life I want to be able to give my kids. Right now I am not able to do that. I have to do what I can to give them that. I certainly can’t think of bringing another child into this.

So the dream of bringing another child into our family is… well, I hope it is only put on hold. I hope that in a couple of years we feel comfortable enough with our financial situation to start the journey again. For now though, the journey is at an end before it ever really got started.

I will write more later on this when I can think more clearly. For now I will just say that we have decided that adoption is not in our immediate future. I am deeply saddened by this decision. I will write more details when I can.

I hate to jinx anything, so I struggled with whether or not to even post this, but…

We think we may have found a boy to adopt. We need to discuss it some more before making a final decision. There are just SO many positives about bringing this boy into our family. He is a special needs child that we found on a waiting child list. It is his special medical needs that we need to discuss some more. We want to really review everything and check with our physician and see what the future may hold for him. Once we know what we will be facing we will make a real decision.

I am excited about this boy though. He is such a cutie! He has some developmental delays that we are VERY familiar with because James Elijah has the same delays. The best part of this is that we already know how to help him and what resources are available to us. I think because of that we would make great parents for this little guy.

I don’t want to reveal too much, but he is closer in age to James Elijah than we were really planning on. We have discussed that at length and believe it is not going to be a problem. I believe the boys will do amazingly well together. I was thinking of posting what country he is in, but I think I will wait on that. I will just say that he is not in the Us or Eastern Europe and we would only have to make one trip.

With the recent announcement that Kazakhstan is going to be restructuring their adoption relations with the United States we feel that adopting from Kazakhstan is probably not going to be an option for us.

This doesn’t mean that we’ve given up the dream of adopting. We will. Someway, somehow… we will. We just don’t know from where we will adopt now. Kazakhstan doesn’t seem to be the answer anymore. So we will do a bit of researching and figure it all out. We are focusing mostly on Russia, Thailand and US foster care adoption right now.

We actually saw a couple of boys listed on waiting child sites that are in the US foster care system that seemed like they would be a good fit in our family. If we were paperwork ready we would inquire about them. We are not paper ready yet though. I’ve put in a call to Child Services here in our state and they are going to get back to me with the next date and time for an informational meeting. We will attend that and then begin the training required. At least we will be ready if the right boy does appear to us. If either of the two boys we saw are still available once we are ready we will inquire about them then. Because they are special needs there is a high probability they still will be. Sad, but true.

Even if we adopt from Russia or Thailand, the training we get through the state will be useful. Right now it seems like the next logical step for us.

We know Howie is out there waiting for us. We just don’t know where in the world he is.

We didn’t get the house. I am not sure what she used as her criteria for selecting someone.

I loved the house and it would have been perfect so it’s a shame. At the same time though it was a bit more per month than we were really looking to pay. So I guess that makes it okay. Also it didn’t have a refrigerator and we would have had to buy one.

I think maybe the landlord may have ended up being too nosy anyway. She lives pretty close to the rental house and I think she may have been the type to drive by a lot and look for something wrong. I think that because after we filled out the application and dropped it off we noticed her drive by our house we live in now. We figured she must have been checking to see how we keep the yard or something. That kind of put us off from renting from her anyway. We had a nosy landlord once and you never really feel at home living in their house because you have this constant reminder that it IS their house and not yours. Uncomfortable!

So, we have to look at the positive in this and believe that even though the house seemed perfect it must not have been the right one for us.

We’ll keep looking but at this point I don’t know if we are going to find anything soon.

We are going in the morning to look at a house. I love the location. There is a park right across the street. The neighborhood is great, it is full of families around our age with lots of kids. There are lots of shade trees, and that is huge since it gets so darn hot here in the summer. The yard is fenced which is just what we need! The house is also just a short walk from the high school so Cherokee can walk to school next year. (i still can’t believe my baby girl is starting high school)

My fingers are crossed that this house is as great on the inside as it is on the outside.

update:

I really liked the house. It is supposedly a 3 bedroom but there is a room that can be used as a 4th bedroom. It is a really big room! It would be perfect for James Elijah and Howie Eduard to share!!! I mean really, really perfect.

The living room has a fireplace which is not necessary, but it sure would be nice to have. The kitchen has plenty of room to move about and I love that too. There is one bedroom that is kind of small and Cherokee and Christopher are arguing over who would get stuck with that room. The backyard is awesome. There is a nice deck right out the back door where I could sit and watch the kids have fun (when I am too worn out to play with them any longer). The yard itself is a good size. There is even an area fenced off within the yard. Ya, a fenced area within the fenced yard. Odd, but cool. There is some of that turf stuff laid in that area so it is perfect for a swing set or a kiddie pool or something. The house is great!

The only problem is that we were the 9th family to look at the place. She was going to show it to a few more families as well. So now we just wait and hope that we get the place. It’s hard to say for sure. I have no idea what she will base her decision on. She seemed to like us and she thought James Elijah was adorable, so maybe that will work in our favor. So…………… fingers are still crossed.

We’re looking for a new house to rent. Even if we can’t buy we still need to get out of the place we are in. We need to get away from the neighbors. Also we have to get a fenced yard for James Elijah’s sake. I was thinking it would be nice for Howie too. He will still be young enough to need a fenced yard, especially since he is not going to be used to having the freedom of his own yard to play in. I think it will help him to know his boundaries.

We looked at a house yesterday that was in the perfect neighborhood. Just a few blocks from the elementary school Christopher goes to. Of course next year he will be in middle school so it doesn’t matter for him. It’s a great school though and it would be nice to be that close for Howie’s sake. If he comes home at age 5 or 6 he will be starting school a year after coming home. I want to homeschool him until he learns enough English to attend public school.

The house also has a great backyard and a screened in back porch that would be a great place for the kids to play. There was a big kitchen which is awesome for me. I like a lot of room to cook. The only problem is that the place is just 3 bedrooms. That means James and Christopher would have to share a room. The problem with that???

Where would we put Howie? Ya, the house was great but it’s not any bigger than where we are now. We still filled out the application. We have been looking for awhile now and it’s hard to find something in the neighborhood we want. We’ve been in the house we are in for 3 years now and for the past 2 we have been trying to find a better place but in this same area.

Getting the house meant not getting Howie. It is just that simple. It was breaking my heart to even consider the idea. House or Howie? We have to find a better house. It’s not fair to our children already in our home not to. So we applied.

I left it up to fate. If we got the house then maybe we really aren’t supposed to get Howie. At least not yet. We got a call late this afternoon. A lady looked at the house today and she was able to move in right away. We would have had to wait until June. The owner rented the house to the other lady.

Fate? I don’t know. I’m still not real sure I believe in all that stuff. Still, there were so many crazy things that happened on our journey to James Elijah that I can’t help but feel fate played a part. Maybe fate was telling us something today. We couldn’t get that place because it didn’t have room for Howie.

My husband had visions of family BBQ’s and fun on that back patio and in the backyard. I had visions of cooking up some amazing meals in that big kitchen. Once we heard someone else got the place those visions vanished but it didn’t make either of us sad or upset. Instead they were replaced once again with visions of bringing home a son. Visions of Howie.